Preschool is typically a really wonderful, fun time for littles. However, sending your baby to school can be a really intimidating experience. If your own little learns a little differently than many other children and may benefit from special education services, this almost universal experience can be close to terrifying. There are more components when a preschooler is going to school and receiving special education supports, such as speech therapy, through the school system. There are typically more meetings to develop a plan that will serve your child’s learning the best.
Through my years as an early intervention speech therapist, so many of the parents I worked with had incredible stress thinking about their child being unable to communicate with their school team. Or what would happen if their child did not follow the teacher’s directions. Or if their school staff would know how to comfort or redirect their child in the best way. This experience is fraught with scenarios that can be overwhelming and it’s impossible to plan and problem solve every eventuality that can arise. However, there are some good basics to keep in mind to help manage the transition.
Communication
Of course, the speech therapist/communication specialist would think that communication is the most important item to keep in mind for anything! But seriously, so many problems can be avoided with good communication- definitely not all, but many. Communication exchanges, such as emails, can be so easily misinterpreted. Take your time as you compose your message- how you phrase a question can make a difference in the response you get. Being super clear in what you’re looking for and who your child is can help everyone be on the same page.
I’ve had the privilege of sitting on both sides of the table- as an educator and as a parent. I personally found sitting on the parent side to be much more stressful than the educator side, as the meeting was about my baby. However, in my experience, most educators do love their students and want to do what’s best. If you can approach your communication thinking with the mindset that the school is trying to do what is best for all, the path can be smoother. Sometimes teachers and administrators send a communication quickly and the message could be more terse or cold than their intent. Communication can be frustrating, but it’s really helpful when both parties can assume the best.
Once your child starts school, continue to communicate with the teacher and the team. Personally, I want the school to communicate a lot. I let them know they can call/text/message as often as they want. In my experience, it creates less stress across the board. If the school can message about a small problem, there is less stress and more understanding if/when a big problem arises.
Know the Rules
Every school district runs slightly differently and can have various special education procedures. There are set standards that the entire US must follow, but individual school systems interpret them differently. The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) states that children with disabilities receive a free appropriate public education throughout the nation. (Read more about IDEA here) This law was put into place to protect a child’s right to the services necessary to grow and learn at school. However, different districts can interpret this slightly differently, so a friend’s child in the next town may have a program that contrasts from your child’s program even if the two children learn similarly. Check out your school district’s web page to learn more in advance of any meetings with the school. It can also be challenging because, as parents, we’d like good clear answers, but often the issues are more nuanced.
Another note, the school district’s job is to provide an education for your child. They typically address educational issues. Your child may have a developmental concern, such as a difficulty eating foods with different textures, that may not affect their ability to perform in school. The district may not address this in the school setting. This does not mean that your child’s struggle is not important, it just may be something for an outside therapy to focus on. If you meet with your school and they do not take on every one of your developmental concerns for your child, speak to your pediatrician about outside therapies.
Sometimes, there can be challenges or even significant issues with your district. By knowing the rules, you can address them in an appropriate way. If you do come across a situation where you feel the district is at fault, please find help- either through a parent support groups or advocates. There are many resources out there. In most cases, these situations can be avoided, but, again, every child and circumstances are unique.
Find a Community
It’s so easy to find FB groups, Instagram, local groups. It can be so affirming to connect with other parents that are going through similar struggles and have a place to share successes as well. My mom friends have gotten me through some of our toughest times- just having someone to reach out to chat about issues and get an outside perspective. Sometimes a suggestion that you never would have thought of will come up and that makes such a difference in how you approach a meeting or a situation with your child.
However, please be careful. I’m a parent member of a few different parent groups. I have found incredible solace, but also be aware that another person’s experience, both negative or positive, may not be your experience. Take any advice with a grain of salt, different parents’ backgrounds can influence their experiences. Fellow parents can be a tremendous resource, but there are times when parents can stir the proverbial pot, which does not generally lead to solutions, just more upset feelings.
“Labels:” the Good, the Bad, the Ugly
Parents and families often fear placing a label or specific diagnosis on their child, especially at a young age. We don’t want our children defined by their label or diagnosis. I really didn’t want my daughter to be labeled as a “behavior issue” when she was younger as we were working through the diagnostic process of PANS. (Read more about PANS here) I worked hard to communicate with the school about the steps we were taking as a family and they gave some grace as we worked with her specialists to come up with an appropriate treatment plan. She did receive a label of PANS with OCD and anxiety, which we felt was appropriate and led to a better understanding and experience for Kinsley and the school.
Labels or diagnoses are not necessarily a “bad” thing. The appropriate diagnosis can lead to getting the support that will most benefit your child. If the school or your pediatrician would like to do further testing, ask questions. Make sure you understand what the purpose of the assessments are and what they hope to learn from it. Ask how your child will benefit from the assessments. Again, you know your child best and you are their most important advocate, but please be open to learning.
I’m embarrassed to share that because I had experience as a special education teacher and early interventionist when I had my first child, I kind of thought I knew it all. I knew behavior strategies, child development norms, and all about play based therapy. My baby-who-made-me-a-Mama, Ani, quickly disavowed me of that notion. Even the “experts” can learn a lot.
Be Prepared
Preschool is often a child’s first significant time away from family or very close friends, such as a childcare provider. If you can help prepare your child by talking about the change, that can help a lot. As parents, we know basically what school is like. For our little, it’s a completely new experience. Does the school offer a chance to visit the classroom and meet the teacher? Can you take a few pictures to share with your child as the first day approaches?
Asking questions about the daily routine can also help you as a parent smooth the transition for your child. Does the class eat and nap at certain times? Starting to get your child somewhat on the same schedule can ease the transition for both you and your child. Are there songs or books the class may sing or read each day? Exposing your child to music and materials they will hear and see in the classroom can also create a feeling of familiarity and security.
Many classes request certain items from home, such as a backpack, sippy cup or blanket, but some do not. Don’t wait until the last minute to get the required items! Having what you need will reduce the stress for both you and your child.
Long Term Relationship
You are in your child’s life for the long haul. You’ve been helping that baby all along the way and will be supporting them always. Remember that school will be around for a long time too. Maybe not an individual teacher, but often students are in the same school system for a long time. Figuring out how to work with the district is important. That does not mean you shouldn’t advocate for your child, but just keep the long-term nature of your relationship in mind. This is something I try to take into account. If I’m frustrated with something about the school, I try to think it through before commenting in front of my child, as the old saying goes, “Little pitchers have big ears.” As a teacher, my students have shared more than their parents may have wanted.
I wish you the best as you begin your educational journey with your little one! Hopefully it will be a wonderful partnership between school and home with lots of growth for your child academically, socially and emotionally.
This suggestion list is not exhaustive by any means. It’s merely a starting point to begin a positive exchange in what can be an exciting transitional time. You’ll still have a lot of time with your little at home and will continue to connect and grow along with them. For more on connecting with your child, see the GLP post here.
I hope the information provided here was helpful! Please take what was useful and share anything that may help another parent! It really takes a village!
